Jihadists furloughed as drawbacks of working from home emerge
2020-04-23
Jihadists have become the latest victims of the Coronavirus this morning as terrorist leaders decided it was no longer practical to work from home. The difficulties inherent in waging holy war from your DFS sofa have forced leaders to make the difficult decision to furlough all jihadists with immediate effect.
“We thought it might work out, but it wasn’t to be.” one insider told The Bugle. “Apart from anything else, it’s just not safe. We have to consider the health and safety of our staff, and there have been one or two incidents that have not gone as well as we hoped.”
Domestic strain between spouses is also thought to be behind the decision. “My missus went ape shit when I took my motor bike engine apart on the kitchen table” one jihadist told The Bugle “but this is on a whole new level. She’s really not happy about me working from home, especially as I’ve only just finished retiling the bathroom.”
As The Bugle went to press, furlough payments were still being worked out with preliminary estimates being put at 800 virgins.
