Archives for June 2020
The general public are being urged to avoid visiting the city of Leicester this morning. The advice comes from people who have been and report that there’s absolutely no reason to go. “Just don’t go “ said Barry Clunge from south Yorkshire, mirroring what many who spoke to the Bugle told us “There’s a crisp
In a long-awaited move, Home Secretary Pritti Patel tonight announced that jigsaw enthusiasts are to have their spare time confiscated. The confiscation order will apply to any adult caught embarking on a puzzle of more than 250 pieces who doesn’t have a child under the age of 12 living at home. A government spokesperson told
In what insiders see as a major coup, TV Channel Dave has bought up all episodes of the popular daily show ‘Coronavirus Daily Update’ and will start rerunning them from next week. Filming of new episodes stopped earlier this week. The show is expected to replace previously rerun favourites including Not Going Out and Would
Police have issued an urgent warning to locals this morning after reports that thieves have been spotted in the area, posing as fly tippers. A spokesperson for south Yorkshire police told The Bugle “We’re asking householders to be vigilant. We’ve received numerous reports of members of the public being lulled into a false sense of
As Greggs announced the reopening of 1,800 stores for takeaway food this morning, there were growing fears in Barnsley for a lost generation of toddlers who haven’t developed the basic skills of eating a pastry-based product out of a bag while on the move. For many children in the borough, their first experience of solid
There have been calls to rip down the statue of Eric Morecambe statue, sited in his home town of Morecambe, after it emerged that the popular comedian had an unpaid parking ticket. An angry mob descended on the monument earlier this morning and attempted to remove it from its plinth, but gave up when their
Spanish authorities have launched an urgent appeal for locals to retrain as pissheads and complete arseholes as the continuing crisis means Brits are still unable to travel to the Iberian peninsula. Jobs in both the public and private sector are believed to rely heavily on a steady influx of knob-jockeys from the UK and the
In an emotional video released on YouTube this morning, popular glove puppet Sooty has apologised for using blacknose during the 1970s. The lemon-coloured children’s favourite says like a lot of other middle aged entertainers he is on a ‘ learning journey’ and didn’t appreciate the implications of his actions over forty years ago. “I would
In an unprecedented and unexpected move, premier league bosses have today announced that Leeds United fans will be forced to wear muzzles if they return to the top tier. With the season about to recommense and Leeds sitting at the top of the Championship table, the Premiership have acted swiftly to try to minimise the
There was further evidence that lockdown measures following the Coronavirus outbreak were easing this afternoon, as Home Secretary Pritti Patel pledged to have all homeless people back on the streets by the end of July. Since the lockdown began, more than 14,500 people who were on the streets or at risk of sleeping rough have
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