Jigsaw enthusiasts to have spare time confiscated
2020-06-28
In a long-awaited move, Home Secretary Pritti Patel tonight announced that jigsaw enthusiasts are to have their spare time confiscated. The confiscation order will apply to any adult caught embarking on a puzzle of more than 250 pieces who doesn’t have a child under the age of 12 living at home.
A government spokesperson told The Bugle, “It is abundantly clear that these people have far too much time on their hands – time that could be better utilised by others. The Coronavirus lockdown has exacerbated the situation with knobs who wouldn’t have thought of frittering away the finite period they have left of the planet on a jigsaw three months ago, embarking on 1,000 piece monstrosities. Well it’s got to stop.”
The Bugle understands that a team of inspectors are currently being recruited who will have the power to carry out random checks on suburban dining room tables. Any jigsaws discovered partially completed will trigger an immediate confiscation of one hour of spare time per hundred pieces, which will be reallocated to someone with a job, a life, or both.
