Schools to be scrapped as UK sees dramatic improvement in GCSE results despite closures
2020-08-20
The Bugle understands that there are plans to permanently close all schools as it emerged that this years GCSE results are the best ever, by some margin. This was despite schools being temporarily closed for several months as a consequence of the Coronavirus outbreak.
An insider at the Education department told The Bugle. “This virus could save us billions over the long haul. Until today we didn’t know that children learned far better sitting on their arses on their X Boxes at home, free of interference from teachers. Imagine how well they’d have done if they’d had the whole year off. Everyone would probably have got straight A’s.”
Academic achievement isn’t the only field in which pupils have excelled as a result of the Coronavirus outbreak. One 16 year old at a school in south London has been estimated to have broken Usain Bolt’s 100 metre world record by over half a second during lockdown.
