Those questioning the ability of Health secretary Matt Hancock to tackle the shortage of Covid testing facilities were left eating their words this weekend. In a move which stunned his critics, Hancock introduced the threat of a £10,000 fine for anyone failing to self-isolate after testing positive. “It’s genius,” a department insider told the bugle.

Tough decisions are being taken up and down the land this morning, and in a much anticipated move, Sneezy has been turfed out of the dwarf house. It follows the implementation of a new law limiting gatherings to six in the wake of an increase in coronavirus infections. A spokesperson for the dwarves told the

There was relief in Barnsley this morning as the schools re-opened and local kids could return to playing truant. For many, it has been the first opportunity to bunk off since March. “It’s been difficult for a lot of our young people” said Tony Clunge, head of Wombwell Academy in the town “A lot of