Hancock tackles huge demand for Covid tests by introducing threat of £10k fine for testing positive
2020-09-21
Those questioning the ability of Health secretary Matt Hancock to tackle the shortage of Covid testing facilities were left eating their words this weekend. In a move which stunned his critics, Hancock introduced the threat of a £10,000 fine for anyone failing to self-isolate after testing positive.
“It’s genius,” a department insider told the bugle. “It’s going to slash demand for tests at a stroke. No need to ramp up capacity because only an idiot will want to risk testing positive and copping for a ten grand boot in the bollocks if they run out of food or their dog needs to go out for a shit. As an extra bonus, it will pull in a few quid to help pay for the furlough.
The only downside I can see is we’ll have more people walking around undiagnosed and infectious, but you can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs.”
