Rotherham man prepares for fortnight of misery as perforations missing on new toilet roll
2021-01-13
A Rotherham man was steeling himself for a fortnight of misery this morning after it emerged that the perforations on a newly-opened toilet roll have not been machined correctly. The man who has asked not to be named for spurious reasons, opened the roll of Lidl Soft and Sensitive at 8.00am this morning, anticipating a crisp and satisfying separation from one sheet to the next. But the horror began to unfold as he made a preliminary tug having parted with what he described as “a more than adequate Richard.”
“As soon as I tried to pull off the first sheet, I knew something was wrong,” he told The Bugle. “It just tore part way across and then broke off. My heart sank because I knew what I was in for. All the joy was gone. There are few things more satisfying than a good dump. But all I can see now for the next two weeks is frustration and some long and tedious sessions with the nail brush.”
As The Bugle went to press, the man was agonising over whether to cut his losses and break into a new roll, or press on regardless and hope the fault does not run through the full roll.
