Knob with no interest in football becomes overnight expert
2021-06-30
A bell-end who has never shown the remotest interest in football has amazed friends and workmates by apparently becoming an expert in set up formations.
Giles Band-Wagon from London has never played football and never even been to a live match, but thanks to England’s excellent performance in the Euros against Germany, he now feels confident to discuss tactics with proper fans.
“What a tool.” said Lee Dimon who works with Giles “Two weeks ago he was talking about someone ‘kicking a goal’ but now all of a sudden he’s postulating on the wisdom of playing Kyle Walker in a back three against stronger opposition. I blame Alan Shearer. It’s embarrassing. For a laugh we asked him if he thought we should deploy the starfish. He looked panicked for a second and then said ‘only if Grealish starts’. It’s just pathetic”
Giles was unrepentant when we caught up with him as he scoured a thread on Mumsnet explaining the offside rule. “It’s good to be involved in the footie bants with the chaps at work.” he said “They’re always discussing it on a Monday morning and I can’t join in. I think they’ve accepted me into their group now that I know all about it.”
