Plan to control Squirrel population using oral contraceptives hidden in food could soon be rolled out to chavs
2022-07-11
A clever plan to control grey squirrel populations by hiding oral contraceptives in their food, could have wider applications it has been revealed.
Government scientists say that early trials of the system, which involves luring grey squirrels into feeding boxes using pots containing hazelnut spread spiked with contraceptives, are showing encouraging results.
“We’re very pleased with what we’re seeing.” a spokesperson told The Bugle, “And now we’ve proved the principle I can’t see any reason why we can’t roll it out into other populations where numbers are getting out of control.”
The Bugle understands that by using the same principle in Greggs Pasties, KFC Bargain Buckets and any deal involving a pint and a meal for a fiver at Wetherspoons, chav populations could be brought back under control within a few years.
“These are exciting times,” the government spokesperson told us and we’re only just starting to see the potential. “For example, we could see the total elimination of middle-class wankers, just by targeting quinoa
