Christmas Misery Continues For Millions As Migration From One Set Of In-Laws To The Next Gets Under Way
2017-12-26
The Christmas ordeal moved into the second phase for hundreds of thousands of families this morning as they upped sticks and dragged their sorry asses from one set of in laws to the next. In an annual ritual which was playing out across the country, the migration got under way soon after breakfast and is expected to continue for the rest of the day and into tomorrow. Mick Glover, 42, from Swinton, was typical of those who were about to set off, who we spoke to.
“We spent yesterday at my mum and dads and now we’ve got to pack everything up and go to our lasses parents over in Deepcar” he told us “I’d rather put my feet up in front of the telly or go to the match, but no, I’ve got to go round there and have Carol’s dad ask me whether I’ve got that promotion yet, like he does every year. He knows I haven’t. And then I’m expected to eat their left over turkey and some shit party food from Iceland, and watch a Morecambe and Wise Christmas show from 1976. It’s not funny, but Tony laughs like a drain until he involuntarily farts, which is just embarrassing.”
“I don’t want them here either” said Mick’s father in law Tony Cross 67 as he hid his best single malt away “I just want the house to ourselves. Mick has always been a dick and the only pleasure I get out of him being here is seeing the look on his face when he opens the shit Christmas present we bought him. It’s a corker this year. They’re here until Thursday. I’ll be mainly in my shed.”
Everyone we spoke to was dreaming of doing something different next year, but they know deep in the pit of their gut that the same horrendous cycle will play out again and again until death brings a blessed release.
