Local Wheelie Bin Found To Be More Dense Than Osmium
2017-12-27
Until this week, Osmium – an extremely hard derivative of Platinum, was thought to be the most dense substance known to man, but now scientists at The East Herringthorpe Institute Of Science And Technology have discovered a post-Christmas wheelie bin in Whiston with a density one and a half times that of the bluish-White metal first discovered by Smithson Tenant in 1803.
The Plumber family’s bin was already full to overflowing two days before Christmas, but with no collection expected for over a week, and no one being arsed to go to the tip, it was decided that drastic action was needed. It started with the normal compacting down using gardening gloves and pieces of cardboard, and then escalated into various members of the family standing in the council supplied receptacle and employing a grape treading style technique. Maximum density was reached after an industrial quantity of Makro Vol Au Vents were less well received than expected at a Boxing Day party. They were piled on top of the already rock-hard compound, which was then used an an impromptu trampoline by twenty-five stone dad, Geoff. The family is now making plans to hire a crane to move the bin to the roadside.
“It’s a big moment for us,” said mum Andrea as she tried to squeeze in just one more bag of half eaten chicken drumsticks, “This is the most significant achievement in our family since Geoff took second place in a Homer Simpson lookalike competition at Pontins. We’re all made up.”
