The Rotherham Bugle

Jeremy Corbyn today promised that a future Labour government would grant a whole raft of new bank holidays, in an attempt to corner the idle bastard vote.

In addition to new holidays to mark the saint’s days of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, atheist Corbyn has revealed that he also intends to introduce several other public holidays including  one to mark Ramadan, and another break to honour Yom Kippur in September. The changes mean that the average British employee will now only be obliged to go into work on the third Wednesday of every month.

An insider told the Bugle, “You’re never going to lose votes by giving people time off on full pay are you?  And if someone else is paying, so much the better. To be honest, Yom Kippur was a bit of an afterthought, but what the hell. It’ll be worth it to see that twat Sugar torn in half when he’s having to pay thousands of staff for a Jewish holiday.”