The Rotherham Bugle

A Rotherham dog is preparing himself to be blamed for the family flatulence, induced by this years festive fare.

Bulldog Bruno, 8, says that he will be openly blamed for myriad noxious niffs on Christmas Day but says he’ll take it all in his stride “Part of being a dog innit?” he told our reporter “Comes with the territory. Grandma lets rip and everyone turns on Bruno. You just accept it. If you thought about the injustice for too long, it would eat you up. And besides, if you keep your head down there’s always the chance of some of the shit Quality Street, which nobody likes, coming your way.”

As the Bugle went to press, Bruno was perfecting his party trick of cleaning his own testicles and then attempting to lick Auntie Maureen’s face.

“It’s just my way of giving a bit back,” he said, “it really grosses ‘em out.”