Attention Seeking Vegan Becomes Aquatarian To Stay Ahead Of The Game
2019-02-16
A complete attention seeking nob sack, who became Vegan to make himself seem more interesting, has now abandoned the diet and gone full aquatarian.
Richard Head, 27, says that he now survives exclusively on a diet of filtered mountain spring water and fresh air.
“I’m a bit of a boring twat” he admitted to The Bugle “so at first I went veggie in an attempt to differentiate myself from all the other boring twats. When all the other boring twats went veggie as well I decided to up my game and went vegan. But now every boring twat is doing that as well, so I’ve gone balls out full strength aquitarian. Follow that you boring twats.”
Richard says he’s feeling great on the new diet apart from gnawing hunger pains, permanent fatigue, and chronic muscle weakness. “I think this is the way forward, and I’m getting all the nutrients I need from water” he said “but if it gets too popular, I’m going to strip it right back to just oxygen.”
As the Bugle went to press, Richard was planning ahead and googling ‘anaerobic existence.’
