Evil Bastard Insect Planning To Screw Up Your Day
2019-07-26
An evil bastard insect has admitted that it is planning to really screw up your day.
The insect, which can’t be named for entomological reasons has not been seen for about a year. But as the temperatures rose into the 30’s this week, it emerged from Christ knows where and set out to put its heinous plan into action.
“I’ve not decided what to do yet”, said the insect as we caught up with it hovering over a discarded Slushie “I might bite you on a prominent part of your face so you look a right dick for a week, I might dive-bomb you while you’re trying to eat your alfresco salad, or I might just commit suicide in your Sauvignon Blanc after your first sip. I’ve got options.”
As The Bugle went to press, the insect was investigating the potential disruptive impact of flying into your car windscreen on the M1 when your water bottle is empty.
