Tough New Home Office Sentencing Guidelines To Include Stint Working For Costa Coffee
2019-08-23
Human rights groups were united in outrage this afternoon, when it emerged that tough new sentencing guidelines issued by the Home Office include a week working in Costa Coffee for repeat offenders. New Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, had warned that sentencing would become more rigorous, but the brutality of the new powers issued to judges, has taken many libertarians by surprise.
A Home Office spokesman told The Bugle “We mean business this time. For many habitual criminals, jail holds no fear. We need something more effective. Wearing a daft cap and a shirt with ‘Barista’ on the back while being treated like shit might seem a bit Draconian to some, but you have to remember these are repeat offenders. Nothing else seems to work.”
James Soft-Ashite from Friends Of Criminals UK remains unconvinced. “You can’t treat people like animals.” he told the Bugle. “Sending them to prison is one thing, but forcing them to make a Mint Choc Chip Frostino for some arsehole from HR while dressed like a twat is something else altogether. We’ll be asking for a review.”
