A1 Commuter Torn Between Pulse & Cocktails And Boundary Mills
2019-10-14
A middle-aged motorist who regularly uses the A1 feels hopelessly lost in a retail hinterland somewhere between Boundary Mills and Pulse & Cocktails.
Ray Vaughan, 55, from Barnsley says he has reached an age where the desire for an anal plug or some climax delay cream may have been overtaken by the need for a comfy pair of tartan slippers. It’s a situation which he says is preying on his mind as he decides where to indulge in some retail therapy in an attempt to break up the drudgery of his daily commute.
“Everyone knows the only options on the A1 are Boundary Mills or Pulse & Cocktails.” he told the Bugle. “Time was it was a bit of a no-brainer, but the lure of a cheap waterproof and some thermal socks grows ever more powerful by the day. I think it’s an age thing, and I’m trying to fight it, but I’m not sure I have the strength.”
Ray’s wife Carol agrees, “Let’s be honest, it’s all over bar the shouting for Ray.” She told the Bugle. “If he bought any delay cream now, I’d be waiting till after Christmas. If Pulse & Cocktails want to compete with Boundary Mills for men like Ray, they need to start stocking splints.”
As The Bugle went to press, Ray was spotted surreptitiously eying up some trousers with an elasticated waist band at a store just outside Grantham.
