Mark Francois Cordoned Off As Brexit Deal Thwarted
2019-10-20
Vice-chairman of the ERG group, Mark Francois, was cordoned off by police last night over public safety fears. A half mile exclusion zone was placed around the MP following warnings from experts that he could explode at any minute.
The tubby little Englander had started the day in ebullient mood and had even laundered and ironed his special sock in preparation for Boris’s victory speech, but excitement turned to fury as Oliver Letwin poured cold water on his ardour.
A police spokeswoman issued a statement saying “At 3.00pm this afternoon we were alerted to a fat little man in a state of extreme distress. He had turned purple and appeared to be inflating. Trained officers took the view that he might explode at any moment, and given the amount of bile and blubber involved, we took the decision to cordon off the area and set up an exclusion zone. We would urge the public to stay clear.”
As the bugle went to press this morning, the exclusion zone was still in place and bum disposal officers were reported to be on standby.
