Boris Blames Perception Of Brexit Deadline Failure On Ignorant Understanding Of True Nature Of Time
2019-10-27
Prime Minister Boris Johnson denied he had failed to deliver on his promise of an exit from the EU by 31st October last night. Mr Johnson blamed the perception that he had failed on a widespread naive understanding of the nature of time and space, and the illusion of time as a flow.
“People are locked into this archaic and simplistic level of thinking because they don’t have the benefit of a first class education like what I have” he told The Bugle. “Of course in a literal sense the calendar date of 31st October will pass with us still in the European Union. But what is a date but a human construct designed to make sense of time to the uneducated? Time is a concept that has troubled and tormented minds even greater than mine since the beginning of ermm…time. 31st October was never meant to be taken in the literal sense…how could it…but people didn’t seem to understand that. So I think they need to think a bit more deeply about time and space and the relationship between them and when they do…when they do…they’ll see that I haven’t failed…not at all…and I’m more confident than ever were going to get this done just like I said”
We approached the ghost of Professor Stephen Hawking for a comment who after a lenthy pause said “Boris is talking shit and he knows it”
