Jacob Rees-Mogg And Diane Abbott Discovered Bound And Gagged In Separate London Locations
2019-11-29
Mystery surrounded the extraordinary discovery of Jacob Rees Mogg and Diane Abbott, bound and gagged, in separate central London locations this afternoon. Neither has been seen during the general election campaign, and the reason became all-too clear today.
A spokesperson for Conservative central office expressed surprise at the chance discovery of Rees Mogg who was rescued by a plumber called following reports of the smell of old fart coming from a basement flat in Flange Street, “We’ve no idea how he got there, or what happened to him” he said “But it’s important that Jacob has time away from the spotlight to recover – for the next two weeks at least.”
Meanwhile over at Labour Headquarters, there was a similar reaction to the discovery of Abbott in a disused Abacus factory in Cobbler Row, “We’ve no idea how she got there or what happened to her.” a spokesperson told The Bugle, “But after such a traumatic ordeal it’s important that she takes some time away from politics to recover – for the next fortnight at least.”
The Bugle understands that Abbott owes her rescue to a passing off-duty police officer who broke into the property in search of some food to supplement his £30 a year salary.
