Boost To Gene Pool Forecast Following Cull Of Boxing Day Shoppers
2019-12-26
In what is being hailed as a breakthrough moment in social engineering, specially trained government forces descended on shopping centres throughout the country at 6.00am this morning and began a cull of anyone there by choice.
Head of the newly formed Department Of Ethical Eugenics told The Bugle, “Euthenazing anyone standing in a queue outside a shop at 6.00am on a Boxing Day morning is the most effective way we’ve found so far to quickly enhance the gene pool. Anyone making such a choice is very unlikely to pass on any genetic material which is beneficial to future generations.”
This all came as a shock to shoppers like Denise Drone from Barnsley who was waiting for her turn to be hauled into the back of the van when we caught up with her freezing her tits off in the queue outside Next. “I never expected owt like this,” she told our reporter, “They’ve got some reight deals on spangly boob tubes and I was going to Argos to get a new telly after this. Don’t suppose I’ll need it now. It’s disgusting”
Others like Terry Dick from Rotherham were more resigned to their fate. “Let’s face it, I’m a complete tool, always have been, and I had this coming.” he said “I don’t really need owt, but I’ll buy stuff anyway if it’s cheap. I should have pretended it was a work day and stayed in bed.”
