Spanish urged to retrain as pissheads and arseholes as no immediate sign of Brits return
2020-06-10
Spanish authorities have launched an urgent appeal for locals to retrain as pissheads and complete arseholes as the continuing crisis means Brits are still unable to travel to the Iberian peninsula. Jobs in both the public and private sector are believed to rely heavily on a steady influx of knob-jockeys from the UK and the hope is that locals will fill the gap.
“At the moment, locals won’t buy the piss we pass off as beer at all,” said one bar owner who asked not to be named “let alone in the sort of quantities that leave you without control of either your legs or important bodily functions. It’s killing profits.”
Following on from that theme, Fernando Torres who represents the local council in Benidorm told The Bugle. “Without the Brits our police, street cleaners and emergency medical personnel have nothing to do. Hundreds have already been laid off and there will be more to follow unless we get some locals trained up to step in.”
Early signs are not looking good. “At the moment, all they want to do is go out and have a nice civilised meal followed by a coffee” said Julio Iglaisis who is heading up the recruitment drive having spent time working in Barnsley “The idea of drinking until you vomit and then starting again is taking some selling. But we’re not going to give up.”
As The Bugle went to press, several trainees had already left the programme, having failed a basic ‘shit off your balcony’ test.
