In what is being hailed as a breakthrough moment in social engineering, specially trained government forces descended on shopping centres throughout the country at 6.00am this morning and began a cull of anyone there by choice. Head of the newly formed Department Of Ethical Eugenics told The Bugle, “Euthenazing anyone standing in a queue outside

A Rotherham man, with no previous acting experience, has been nominated for an Oscar following his Christmas morning portrayal of a man excited to be receiving novelty socks. Tony Sap, 52, says he had been preparing for the role for several weeks, and used visualisation techniques to pull off what observers have described as a

Chris Rea has done a U turn at Wetherby this afternoon after remembering how shit Middlesbrough is, the Bugle can reveal. The gravel voiced crooner was expected to be driving home for Christmas as usual, but had a sudden change of heart. Regular readers will know that Chris’s plans were thrown into doubt earlier in

Doctors are cautiously optimistic that a Barnsley man who bought his wife a Peloton exercise bike as an early Christmas present, will regain some sensation in his balls. Barry Dick, 37, from Wombwell says he bought the hi-tech device for 18 stone wife Tracy after seeing the TV ad in which a grateful wife Vlogs

Border Force have today reported intercepting several makeshift boats containing desperate economic migrants attempting to cross the channel. The Bugle understands that they have now all been brought back to the UK. Eye witnesses report seeing the boats leaving the Dover area last night under the cover of darkness. Many of those on board appeared

Chris Rea’s Christmas plans were dealt a massive blow this morning when his car failed it’s annual MOT test. The star had been planning to drive home for Christmas as usual, but now that looks unlikely, unless he can get the track rod ends fixed sharpish. A spokesperson for the Middlesbrough born singer told The

In scenes that even we can’t make up, a bunch of complete tools who don’t appear to know how democracy works are today marching in protest at a government which was duely elected by a substantial majority of the population on Thursday. In a statement heavily coated in both irony and deja vu, a spokesperson

Reports of unexplained underground movement are coming in from graveyards across the former Yorkshire coalfields. The movements, which don’t appear to have anything to do with subsidence, seemed to start just after 10.00pm yesterday evening and then intensified throughout the night.  Peak activity was reported at around 4.00am. Ted Rogers who lives near one of

Pundit Alan Shearer says that the Tory advisor allegedly ‘punched’ by a Labour activist outside Leeds General Hospital had ‘every right to go down’. Early reports suggested that the advisor to Health Secretary Matt Hancock had been punched, but slow-motion footage aired later appeared to show accidental minimal contact between the pair. “That doesn’t matter”

Mystery surrounded the extraordinary discovery of Jacob Rees Mogg and Diane Abbott, bound and gagged,  in separate central London locations  this afternoon. Neither has been seen during the general election campaign, and the reason became all-too clear today. A spokesperson for Conservative central office expressed surprise at the chance discovery of Rees Mogg who was