Actor Liam Neeson went some way to redeeming himself last night when he explained that he would go out and murder any complete stranger with similar skin tones to someone else, no matter whether they were a black bastard a brown bastard a slanty eyed bastard or even a white bastard.  “It’s just if they’re

An American footballer says that he blames God for his teams defeat at the hands of the New England Patriots in last nights Super Bowl. Ivor Helmet, a tight buttock for the LA Rams,  had previously thanked God after victories that had seen the team reach the final, but gave a damning appraisal of the

The country was united in bewilderment this evening as MP’s voted through an amendment to the Brexit deal, recommending an ‘alternative arrangement’ to the Irish backstop. Naïve observers, including this reporter, were intrigued to hear what this alternative arrangement was when the amendment was tabled earlier today. But they were to be disappointed. Astonishingly, it

Michele Barnier, the EU chief negotiator for the UK leaving the European Union, is widely thought to be a shrewd operator because of the way he appears to have tied Theresa May into a thousand knots over Brexit. But revelations over the weekend cast a different light on his negotiating prowess, after it emerged that

A teacher has already pencilled in at least one snow day later this week, after forecasters admitted there’s an outside chance of a light dusting. If confirmed, it will be the first snow day for teachers since last time it got a bit chilly. “I can’t believe we’re nearly in February and we haven’t had

A Barnsley woman was mugged outside the towns Lidl store this morning, and the thief made off with her plastic carrier bags. Onlookers say they saw the woman, smartly dressed in skin tight leggings and baggy sweat shirt under a pink dressing gown, leave the store with two  bags full of shopping at around 10.00am.

Estate agents particulars can be confusing at times, but fear not. Using this easy reference as your guide, you’ll soon be deciphering their shit like a pro. Here are five favourites to get you started. Viewing Recommended A puzzling one to start out with. The implication here is there must be other properties where viewing

Barnsley council social services department are understood to have received several calls from concerned residents this morning, following the siting of a child in a pushchair, not eating a Greggs pasty out of a bag. Witnesses reported that the child’s mother, described as grossly overweight with chip fat hair and wearing faded leggings and a

Jeremy Corbyn took a break from doing sod all about Brexit this morning, when he called into his local ShitCars R Us dealership to buy a new car. On arrival at the dealership, Mr Corbyn told the salesman that he would be buying something from him today, no matter what. An hour later he was

Iceland’s own brand cod is definitely not whale meat a spokesperson for the company has confirmed. Questions were raised today, after it emerged that the company is still using palm oil despite pledging to stop doing so by the end of 2018.  Companies are being urged to phase out use of palm oil because of